Emotion

Just when you think it can't get any harder - it does.  Just when you think you couldn't be any prouder - you are!


Samantha knows her decision is the right one.  She told me that when she pictures herself in the future  - she is standing with her prosthetic leg on the beach in Italy.  Her hands are on her hips and she has the biggest smile on her face because she is so happy.  She mentioned something about being in a bikini and having a hot bod  - but as her mother I just breezed over that.  :)


The surgery went well - the doctor had to take a small plate out that was initially holding the alograft tibia to her healthy tibia.  That junction has healed beautifully and he left part of the alograft in place.  It gives her the perfect length of residual limb for the prosthetic.  He also used some of her flap (part of the skin graft done earlier) to go down and around the base of her limb. 


It may sound strange to folks, but Samantha was really proud of that skin graft - she thinks it is beautiful because it healed so well.  When she is ready to look at her leg, she will be happy about that part.


There were a lot of tears today - from everyone.  They tell us we will all go thru a grieving process and that it is all really normal.  


When Samantha woke up after the surgery, she had some trouble managing her pain.  I think part of it was that it was really painful but part may have been related to the emotional pain.  Later after we were in the room and the family had left, we talked more about it.  She said she was just so sad...   She said she hated being sad but I suggested she let herself be sad for just a little bit then she can be happy.


My girl is so brave!  My heart is bursting for her now - sorrow for her loss - pride like you can't believe for how she is handling this.  You look at your child when they are born and count their fingers and toes, touch their beautiful faces - revel in how absolutely perfect they are.  You watch them grow and smile as they run and play.  For a while I was really angry that cancer stopped her from running and playing.  We are so grateful that she is healthy but now she is going to be able to run.  No more limits and my girl is perfect still.


love to everyone!