Tossing and Turning

The last couple of days have been a bit hard. You know - just when you think you have a handle on things - your mind steps up ...

Yesterday was Samantha's last day of middle school. She is now officially in high school. I remember back when it was Daniel and I remember how hard it was. I was scared for Daniel to go to high school - wondering if he was ready. I know it is necessary for our kids to become more independent - but sometimes it is hard. I miss the days when I could hold Daniel and Samantha in my lap like I can Isabella now.

Anyway at the 8th grade ceremony - Samantha was awarded the Comet Courage Award. To tell you the truth I was looking forward to it as well as dreading it. We have been plugging along day by day - doing just fine and blocking out the past year. To have it recognized in such a public way - I knew it would be hard for Samantha who still doesn't tell anyone that she had cancer. But she really deserves the award - she is so strong and she is an example - I am so proud of her and I would love everyone to know what she has accomplished.

The following picture is her accepting her award. Here is what her teachers had to say:

Every once in a while, you get a student that shows more than an ability for academic achievement or athletics. Once in a while, you get a student that shows so much courage that no matter how bad your day is, you just look at that student and what you are dealing with simply melts away. Samantha Gray is that student.

Samantha came back to Century while recovering from a very serious illness during the school year. She literally bounced back into classes and devoured every bit of information that she could. Her enthusiasm, passion for school and her passion for life has certainly made a difference with everyone she has come into contact with. Her courage and determination to battle and beat her illness has taught us all a great deal about what it is to really look at life and look past some of the smaller things we deal within middle school.

The Liberty Core would like to recognize Samantha's enthusiasm, passion and determination with our Comet Courage Award. Thanks for coming back, thanks for not giving up and most importantly thanks for teaching us about the bigger things in life.

She began crying almost immediately - needless to say so did Jeremy, Chris and myself. She received a standing ovation and the presenter - her history teacher was also all choked up. I am so proud of her - I can't say it enough.

My BEAUTIFUL girl!!!

The rest of the afternoon I spent following her around while she got her friends to sign her yearbook.

Yesterday was also Daniel's last day of school. He did ok and will finish up the year with a solid B average. He will be able to drive soon. Both of them had friends over in the afternoon and again all day today.

Daniel will have to start looking for a job. June is pretty booked for them but July and August are still up in the air.

Tomorrow we have to be at the hospital by 7am. I haven't slept - tossing and turning - for the last couple of nights. This time is definitely harder than the first time. Deep down I knew last time that there had not been enough time for the cancer to grow since the end of chemo. This time however, 3 months have passed. If it does come back - most of the time it comes back in the lungs. We will be paying a lot of attention to the CT scan tomorrow.

I was doing fine - but as I mentioned in the last post - Justin's cancer just came back after a 15 month remission. They also found some suspicious nodules in another girls lungs we met this past year - Kate. Her mother told us how hard it was to get that news and watch as her daughter cried hearing the news. They have not confirmed cancer yet - they have to watch to see if they grow - they may just be calcified (I think that is the term). But even if it isn't, it is heartbreaking to think of the uncertainty Kate and her family are feeling right now.

I was reading an article on children's cancer a couple of days ago. Thru out the article, it kept mentioning how rare children's cancer really is - I can tell you that it doesn't feel rare at all. 2 children in Samantha's 8th grade class had cancer in the last year. Allison and Jimmy go to the same school in Colorado Springs... Kori's son and another child from mothers group live in the same neighborhood. Is it rare everywhere else? Just common here in Colorado?

I was reading a caring bridge of a mother who lost her son in March - she listed about 20 people to pray for who had also lost their children to cancer. That just seems like way too many.

I am going to add this link to my links section of the blog: www.thepetitionsite.com/1/gold-ribbon-support-for-childrens-cancer-on-consumer-products Please go here and sign this petition. It is for adding a gold ribbon (similar to the pink one for breast cancer) onto consumer products to raise awareness of childhood cancer.

Sorry for being so mushy tonight. I know that living with this uncertainty is now a part of life - but it is a little more in my face just before scan day.

I know scans will be clean and we will be celebrating with a sushi dinner tomorrow evening. My mood will be bright again! :)

Until then - Love to everyone!